Excerpt from Kitty Literate: Volume One by Kitty Martin

Kitty Martin is a writer and editor. Her work has been published in newspapers, magazines, and literary journals. She lives in Boston and tends bar. She is one of the founders of Tonekat Productions, which has produced film, music, and literary projects in under one year. Her follow-up to Kitty Literate: Volume One will be an illustrated children's book called Pool Girl, due this summer.

Kitty Literate: Volume One is available for Amazon Kindle. Below is an excerpt from the book.

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THE NARCISSIST

Have you ever dated a narcissist? It's super terrific! Just ask the narcissist. He'll constantly tell you how great he is, how lucky you are to be with him, and by God, how much fun you're having!

He'll also tell you if you have one eyebrow out of place: "Ew! That looks wonky!"; if you've worn the same autumn jacket more than two days in a row, even though it's still autumn and it's a really nice jacket; and will abandon you in the subway at midnight--on your first date--because his train arrives first and he wants to go home to sleep.

A really skilled narcissist will conceal his true self in the beginning, so that you'll be confused as to whether he's remarkably confident or outrageously arrogant. Well, except for that subway abandonment; that was pretty clear. Anyway, the less advanced narcissists lay it all out there from the start. When I was using an internet dating service, I received this profile from a 63-year-old-man: "Single man searching for smart, sensual, stylish woman who is a size 6." At least the hordes of interested size 4s and 8s in their 30s and 40s (the age group he was after) knew they didn't stand a chance.

I don't know what woman would even still be reading past that intro, but for the few low self-esteemers who forged on, they were treated to this: "I may need to change my contact lens prescription, but when I look in the mirror, I see a pretty damned good-looking guy! My mother always said I was her handsome son. Looking for an age-appropriate woman (ha!) who feels the same way about herself."

The guy could have used some editing. Maybe something like, "Narcissist seeks slightly less narcissistic narcissist who must not be as pretty as me."

Then there's the helpful narcissist who will tell you which movie star he most closely resembles. One 40-something man told me, "Everybody tells me I look exactly like Alec Baldwin. My mother even cried once when she was watching one of his movies and his character died, because she couldn’t stop thinking it was me up there on the screen."

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I dated The Narcissist for exactly four weeks. He'd tell you they were the best four weeks of my life.

I'd tell you they were four weeks of my life.

But we had some fun, he paid for everything, and he was good-looking. I think narcissists have to be good-looking; otherwise it would just be too sad to make fun of all the ridiculous things they say.

I don't know about all narcissists, but The Narcissist was a mass of contradictions. He also knew everything there was to know about everything, and he was the best at everything from cooking to computers to snowboarding. To his credit, his job required him to be at the computer every day. But he only cooked for me twice. The first meal was Eggs Benedict, which was good, but needed some salt. But before I could ask for any, he told me that all people used way too much salt when they cooked, which was why he never used any. I didn't have the energy to explain that people use salt because it's a flavor enhancer. The second meal was tasteless, uninspired, everything-out-of-a-box-or-can paella, which--you guessed it--needed salt.

As far as snowboarding, skateboarding, or any other physical activity at which The Narcissist was supposedly Olympic material, the most I ever saw him do was walk. It was early October when I suggested that we go kayaking on our second date. He said he couldn't, because he was recovering from a torn-rotator cuff, which he'd gotten playing ice hockey. I said, "Wow, that happened last winter and it's still bothering you?" He said, "No, it happened in college." He was 49.

The Narcissist told me in late October that he was thinking of joining a gym, where he could get a complete cardio and strength-training workout in a mere 15 minutes: five minutes of some sort of weight-lifting, which made no sense when he was explaining it, and 10 minutes of running on a treadmill. Though he admitted to not having exercised in two months, he swore he could not only pull off a five-minute mile, he could do two five-minute miles back-to-back.

I'm a runner, albeit, an average one. But I know what's considered a good time. So when I said that a five-minute mile was really fast--like Boston Marathon fast--he just stared at me blankly and said, "Yeah, I know. So?" I was going to suggest that he might need to get back in shape again before he could whip off a few of those five-minute miles. And then there was that rotator-cuff injury he'd been nursing for nearly 30 years. But then I thought better of it. It's very exhausting to try to reason with a narcissist, so pick and choose your battles wisely.

Speaking of health and fitness, The Narcissist told me, "I stopped drinking beer at home. That's how I lost 10 pounds." But the thing was, he did drink beer at home. Every time I went to his house, there were beer cans all over his desk, beer cans overflowing from the trash. He even had six-packs of beer on the top shelf of his closet, which turned out to be a red flag I wish I'd paid more attention to at the time.

The Narcissist was also convinced that none of his cognitive skills had ever or would ever decline in any way. I was bartending during our four-week courtship, and he liked to remind me numerous times what a great waiter he'd been during college. I have no doubt that he was a good waiter: He's handsome, charming, affable, gregarious, and energetic. But food and drink trends and restaurants in general have changed with the times. If you've been out of the industry for any length of time, you're going to be lost, except for The Narcissist.

One night, I asked The Narcissist if he did go back to waiting tables, didn't he think he might be just the slightest bit rusty after more than 25 years? And might he need at least a few shifts, if not a few weeks, to get back into the swing of things? He looked at me as if I were the crazy geriatric and said, "Are you kidding me? I could walk into any restaurant in this country, get a job immediately and totally rock the place!"

Yeah, sure. But like I said, I'd already learned to pick my battles by that point, so I kept quiet. But I would have loved to see him try to keep up with a bunch of people half his age who've been working in hip, fine-dining restaurants every night for the past few years. But no matter, The Narcissist would convince himself that he was doing everything right and they were doing everything wrong.

Not surprisingly, it was in the sexual arena where The Narcissist was most convinced of his immortal prowess. His pesky rotator-cuff problem never seemed to be an issue there. I'd never had sex with a superhero before I met The Narcissist. But behind the shiny cape and sultry mask, he had some technical problems. But just like an expert narcissist, he always had an excuse: "I'm tired; I have a lot on my mind." And this was my favorite: "I think I might have drunk a little too much." Ya think? The man had six-packs of beer competing with designer shirts for closet space.

I think a reliable indicator of good sex with someone is when you can count on one hand the times that it wasn't satisfying. But I can count exactly three times The Narcissist and I had satisfactory sex: not earth-shattering, not mind-blowing, just satisfactory. Though after every encounter, he'd enthusiastically say to me, "I just gave you the best sex of your life!"

How on Earth do you respond to such a statement? And shouldn't I be the judge of that? Though I remember exactly how many times we had satisfying sex, I can't remember with any certainty how many times The Narcissist told me that every woman on the planet between the ages of 25 and 60 wanted to have sex with him. And not just wanted to have sex with him, but were dying to have sex with him.

Hmm. That's a lot of women. Funny, I never saw any lines out his door.

Meet Richard Spencer from UBookRental UK

Richard Spencer has extensive experience in the events sector. He's worked for a number of firms in his ten year career, during the last four of which he was managing events for large firms. Recently he launched UbookRental, of which he is a part owner. UBookRental's business involves hiring out iPads and iPad stands to businesses exhibiting in the UK. Richard's goal is to expand out to other areas in the event hire market.

1. What made you decide to switch over from your job as an event organizer to supplying event equipment?

It was all an accident really; in fact, I fell into my job as an event organizer by accident as I had experience in nightclub events during my student years. After a few years running events, I found myself handling more of the logistics. There are creatives who do very good work with custom display signage, and a lot of corporate clients do the signage in-house, too, which made it difficult for someone like me to provide much input in that respect. I felt more at home with sales and logistics, so I ended up handling hires. Last year I made the decision to make the move to help setup and run UbookRental.

2. What made you choose iPads in particular?

We noticed a lot of our customers needed interactive display stands for their events, and there was a lack of choice available for hire at the time. There are a few different companies hiring out display stands, but none of them offer truly sought-after stands. Also, with my experience with exhibition kiosk design and supply, I was unable to really understand what the clients wanted and help build a range that will truly benefit them.

Also, the iPad is a very robust device: it can be used for registrations, website demonstrations, electronic brochures, customer feedback, audience polling, etc. In fact, the possibilities are endless.

3. Since your launch last year, how has your business developed?

Coming into this company with prior industry experience meant that I could leverage my contacts and get going almost immediately. I got my first "soft" order before even launching the company. Having contacts helps greatly because we have a constant stream of revenue. Every small business is tough to grow; we’ve had to put in a lot of money into this, and we’ve noticed that almost every SME is very price-conscious. There has been a lot of competition, too, as lots of small businesses set up to carve a slice of the business. We had to self-finance everything ourselves as well, because banks just aren't willing to lend unless you have a proven track record. We had an occasion where a bank was confident in us enough to offer to buy shares in our company yet unwilling to offer us a loan.

4. What are some of the benefits of iPad hire from UBookRental?

Well, there are a number of reasons--first and foremost is obviously cost. We supply upwards of 60 iPads to corporate clients in some instances. Clients would have to spend £24K if they were to buy iPads, but if they rent for their one-day event, they can usually do so for just £1200. So the cost savings are huge. On top of that we have in-house techs who can help set up the iPads to meet their needs.

Even for small rentals, there are added benefits. We can help the customer set up the iPad and iPad stand to work for their event. There are myriad solutions for website demonstrations, for instance. But you can't always use a conventional web browser to do this. You'd need a purpose built kiosk app that will display your website and ONLY your website so that visitors to your trade show booth don't exit the app or launch the Twitter or YouTube app by following a link. We configure the iPads to work to the customers' specs to ensure the iPad works well and the event runs smoothly.

5. Based on your experience, what's the most important thing to get right when setting up a display stand?

Make sure you understand the purpose of having the display stand. Is it to increase sales? Is it meant to grab leads (contact details)? Does it need to demonstrate your website/app/product lines? It's essential to understand your goals first and foremost and then build a solution around there. Your goal will largely revolve around the type of event, too.

For instance, an exhibitor at a consumer event like a video games conference may be more interested in lead generation, and because of the large footfall it may be best to simply set up a few kiosks to grab email addresses. For a trade show with business owners attending for supply, it may be more useful to have your website/brochure or full product line on display. The kiosk should be used as a support tool for your presentation so you can walk your visitors through your product range.

Thanks, Richard!

Meet Kevin Harrington of Cozy Home Plans

Kevin Harrington has over 25 years in the construction industry including landscaping, remodeling, and real estate sales, and he and been living the tiny house lifestyle personally for three years. He has also been the general contractor on several house flipping projects. His goal with creating Cozy Home Plans was to keep the American dream alive with affordable small house plans that provide realistic housing options for first-time home buyers and people wanting to downsize.

1. How would you define a "tiny house," and why are they becoming more and more popular?

Tiny houses are typically 300 sq. ft. or less. Their popularity comes from several different factors, in my opinion. The novelty aspect, of course, and simplifying your life while downsizing in this day and age of technological overload is great. There are numerous workshops available that actually teach "hands on building techniques" to the average person who wants to build their own tiny house. People are realizing they have too much stuff and are looking for ways to save money and simplify their lives. Tiny houses just make sense and are here to stay.

2. What are some key factors that can help turn a tiny house into a cozy home?

A person can absolutely live in 100 sq. ft., but can they share the space with others and truly live? After living the tiny lifestyle myself, I have what I call my "6 Must Haves" for a tiny house. These are the guiding principles for all of my designs, and I think they help differentiate us from other tiny house designers. Cozy's motto is "Living Large in a Cozy Home," and we're always posting to our blog about storage ideas, furniture, and construction techniques for making the most of your square footage. Come check us out!

3. What are the benefits to customers in buying your cozy home plans?

I think we actually offer several benefits. My stock plans are all very reasonably priced and designed for both comfortable living and utilizing cost-saving construction methods. We also always utilize the incredibly efficient on-demand hot water heaters and a Mini-Split ductless heating and cooling systems for making the monthly bills as reasonable as possible. Another motto of ours is "Let Our Signature Be Yours." This means all of Cozy's plans are 100% customizable. We love working with people to make their vision become a reality and to help give them the cozy home of their dreams.

4. Are most of your customers doing DIY building projects, or are they using the plans as a starting point for working with contractors, etc?

So far, the vast majority of our sales have been contractor-built homes. Building a home is certainly more involved than what you see on TV. People can actually waste a tremendous amount of time and money if they are NOT aware of their own limitations. Municipalities have building codes, and one of those requirements is typically a set of blueprints, which are also necessary for any legitimate sub-contractor to aid in getting a proper bid.

5. Based on your personal and professional experience, what advice would you give people who are considering downsizing to a tiny house and who are interested in doing at least some of the construction work themselves?

First of all, just go ahead and take the plunge--it won't kill you! There are hundreds of people doing it, including myself, and so far I'm not aware of anyone regretting it. You may want to hire professionals to build the shell if you lack the time or skills to do it yourself. This is typically called a Dry-in or Rough-in, and it's usually the most challenging part of a construction project. The interior work is more DIY-friendly and forgiving of errors--plus you get all the bragging rights!

Thanks, Kevin!

Meet Peter W. Collier, Author and Publisher

A Canadian author with stories and style deserving attention, Peter W. Collier began with writing free-rhyming prose stories for his own children. His stories are both a delight to read and to hear.

It wasn't until recently that the e-book format provided a conduit for sharing his quirky free-rhyming story style to a broader international readership. Peter's Canadian homegrown originality has been well-received, with new myths like the Snow Alligators, The Immovable Rock, or The Very Last Apple poised to become creative milestones.

Currently, readers will find 20 stories available in e-book form, some including illustrations, as bedtime reading for children of several age categories. See also this recent post on With Five Questions which features an excerpt from one of Peter's stories.

1. How many years have you been writing and sharing stories for children, and what motivates you to continue writing and publishing your work?

I began in 1986 writing a few stories for my own sons. At that time, there was little to nothing that we found was fun to read or interesting for bedtime, except Dr. Seuss, Mercer Mayer, Beatrix Potter, and some random stories like Maurice Sendak's Where The Wild Things Are and E.B. White's Charlotte's Web. Bedtime is important. Reading as a ritual is important. Dreams are important. There were many commercial children stories cashing in on the popularity of media, like Disney characters. Back then the whole world seemed to revolve around writers who thought their stories about loveable dinosaurs where innovative and cute; today, it's all about vampires, werewolves, and magicians.

The real motivation back then was not to become bored stiff while reading to my own children, and the writing aspect was both fun and a challenge.

The style I use is somewhere between "Prose Poetry" and "Free Verse Poetry." I call it FREE-RHYMING PROSE. It's one thing to write a story or even prose, but it's another to write a story in free-rhyming prose. Truly it's uncommon and much more challenging than a simple "Dick and Jane" type children story.

2. Tell us more about the illustrations for your children's stories: who are some of the artists you've collaborated with, and do you do some of your own illustrations as well?

The artists and each artist's style are as important and specific to each story, as is the story itself. I view student artists no differently than seasoned artists. The ideas are original and provide inspiration for the artists, but the visualization is always a challenge. I view my illustrators as friends, associates, and collaborators. Any success will be shared, and they know I continue to struggle with general recognition of the unique nature of free-rhyming prose children bedtime stories.

At the heart of art is the heart of the artist. What I am saying is that for art to survive it is best that it appeal and have something more. The best art has a story and heart, something beyond the visual and technical creativity.

Not including aesthetic comprehension and dictum of style, it's not even about two types of art: academic art or commercial art. No matter what the artist intends, all art is commercial. No art can survive without being sold. To be sold it needs exposure and something more. It needs a heart. The heart can be the story of the artist, the story of our shared humanity, the writer's vision, etc., but ALL successful art has a story, has a heart.

Technically, there are some exceptional artists, but I'm not one of them. I illustrated some of the stories, but only with the help of the reader's imagination are these considered adequate.

For the children, to better comprehend a story, artwork has increased value. When artists take time to provide reasonably competent illustrations for a good story, based on their talent and skill-level, it certainly adds dimension and depth to the art and to the story. The proper elements put together can be magical.

Only a few illustrations seeded into the story will enhance it greatly. My stories constitute several conceptual elements to motivate reading and precipitate a positive reading development. With all stories, some illustrations are an expanding element and necessary for a clear understanding of the story.

3. Why did you decide to publish your stories in e-book form?

It was really the only way to get the stories out there, with international exposure, and targeted to the method and medium available to me.

I was quite surprised by the simplicity of the process. I have given my works over to Amazon-Kindle exclusively. The results still aren't impressive, but that's also why we're doing this interview. The stories need exposure.

4. What makes your stories different, unique, or special, when compared with the myriad of other children's story books that fill the proverbial cyber bookshelves?

My stories are designed for both the reader and the listener.

Children will request parents to re-read, over and over again, a story that has caught their imagination. If not written in free-rhyme, many of these stories can quickly become dull and a burden to read.

When written in unrestricted free-rhyming prose, a story is both a delight to read and to hear. The reader feels accomplished when reading my stories and, in the act of storytelling, begins exaggerating tone, inflection, and mood.

When constructed in free-rhyming prose, while reading along, children quickly begin to retain portions of each story.

Once the child begins reading independently, these stories act as memory assisting templates, to guide the beginning reader through their first reading selections. The reading successes of a child will fuel additional comprehension activities and help to jump start reading skills that greatly motivate the young reader.

For the adult reader these stories are always a treat. I understand the necessity to include a reader's interests and needs as part of the story telling activities.

The length of these stories is designed to be between 10 to 15 minutes, to act as a short break or bedtime activity. Unlike Dr. Seuss, I have avoided making up new nouns and adjectives for purposes of rhyme, other than some tintinnabulation (words designed to give greater description of sounds), finding that teachers do not appreciate this activity of making up words.

I also find that by identifying children by full name, as the story characters, adds a sense of character reality and identity. The children accept the diversity of people, which opens their imaginations to accepting limitless fictional situations and opportunities.

5. How have various readers (children, parents, and teachers, for instance) responded to your stories?

After writing a few stories, I was asked to do readings at several schools and libraries, precipitated by my sons and their peers.I received hundreds of enthusiastic children's letters, then decided to share some of my stories with a larger audience.

I can't say that I understand or believe in social media, but I do need some real exposure. I have no doubts that my unique stories will find success and recognition, given time. What does concern me is the lack of reviews for some stories that I think are simply magical bedtime stories, with or without illustrations. Stories like The Very Last Apple, The Immovable Rock, Foggy Daze, The Fishing Derby, and my latest, What Was That, could be great fun for parents and children. Sure, they're not all for the 3-5 year olds, but 6-9 year old children should find them fun. Some other stories are also fully illustrated but have few reviews; therefore, no exposure, even though they are unique, fun and great for bedtime reading.

I always have a story in-the-works. It takes a clean spirit and mind to write these unique and original stories.

I try to reach all readers and sell the stories at the lowest price point that Amazon-Kindle allows. This is to attract as many readers as possible and have the stories reviewed by as many parents as possible.

Being stories sold at 99 cents, this doesn't mean they have lesser content, value, or quality reading. It only means they are a bargain.

I guess the best indicators come from the parents reading the stories. Below are some of the reviews I have received on Amazon-Kindle, the majority being VERY positive and supportive. There are too many to share, but here below is a sampling. Personally, I have been very bolstered by the responses.

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I THINK IT'S A ROCK (Written by Peter W. Collier and Illustrated by Cam Craig)

review by Faye Tipton

I enjoy this book as much as my four year old son does. The great illustrations are cute and fit the story perfectly. The rhymes have a fun way of building up to a climax and my son joins in with " ...but maybe not". Highly recommended.

review by M. Jackson

This book is really cute. Even if you are not a child, it will still make you smile. Seems all children loved Dr. Seuss books, and this book also rhymes--but on a much different level than Dr. Seuss. I like this kind better. Children everywhere are sure to love it.

MONSTERS I KNOW (Written and Illustrated by Peter W. Collier)

review by MRubio

Monsters I Know is a big hit in our family. Our kids loved it! The illustrations are strange and unusual but really good. By strange and unusual I mean they really grabbed our kids' attention. They kept flipping back and forth to see the illustrations. Great stories and a lot of fun. I highly recommend this book to anyone with small kids.

PRESSED IT TO TEST IT (Written by Peter W. Collier and Illustrated by Katie Balfe)

review by Peggy A - TOP 1000 REVIEWER

A lot of children's games encourage button-pressing, and the things that happen are fun and/or entertaining. Consequently, it's no wonder curious children want to press buttons to find out what will happen.

As adults, we know that buttons shouldn't be pressed automatically. But kids need to learn this. The examples used in the story are common, everyday occurrences that children can relate to. Reading about the consequences of pushing the wrong buttons allow children to understand the harm that can be done without the pain of real-life learning. "Pressed It to Test It" is a cute story that does a great job of teaching children without becoming preachy.

KIDS I KNOW (Written and Illustrated by Peter W. Collier)

review by V.A. Roncelli

Really liked this book, easy and fast paced for kids. This book is one of the little treasures in our library. Thanks so much for the giggles.

Editor's Note: Follow Peter's Facebook page for free e-book downloads, and keep up with his latest publications on Amazon.

Thanks, Peter!

Darla Marie Designs: Guest Post from Sweetywedding.com

Below is a guest post from sweetywedding.com, an online shop which offers tailor made wedding dresses.

Darla Vietti of Darla Marie Designs successfully launched her line of DIY invitation suites, available at The Wedding Pantry as well as Darla's own website. After spending five years as a graphic designer for various companies throughout southern California, Darla discovered her passion for wedding stationery after designing for her own wedding.

When The Wedding Pantry opened and was seeking preferred vendors, Darla found the perfect opportunity to showcase a line of invitations that are "high quality and reasonably priced while maintaining a custom design aesthetic." Darla wanted to veer away from generic, cookie-cutter invitations and instead offer a DIY invitation line in a variety of designs and colors that have never been seen before.

Over time, Darla expanded her offerings with letterpress products, and she broadened her DIY invitation line to include place cards, table numbers, and other wedding day essentials. She is also working on creating a line of bridal clothing that will be "cute and quirky," not your typical bridal t-shirts.

We are big fans of Darla's custom design work!